


The Unfortunate Consequences of Living

by MarvelPotterhead



Series: Coming Home [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Depression, Hurt Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers & James "Rhodey" Rhodes Friendship, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers-centric, Team as Family, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Will be a series eventually, and tony stark as a support centric, future fics will be team centric, oh yeah and phil coulson isnt dead because fuck that, this fic is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:55:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelPotterhead/pseuds/MarvelPotterhead
Summary: He’s a soldier. A damn good one too. But he’s also a person. He’s never missed Bucky more than in this time, with these people and their high expectations of him placed there by a fanatical but grateful world 70 years earlier. Bucky would know how to screw his head on straight and get him out of this funk. But Bucky wasn’t here. And although they were great, his team wasn’t Bucky.Looks like all the reasons for dying last time were still there. The second time’s the charm?Tony Stark prides himself on seeing everything. For someone with a severe lack of willingness to practice social niceties, he still understands them and understands people too. Even if some people (Pepper) would disagree. Anyway, for all his observations, he missed this. And, having been on the other side twice in his life, he really shouldn't have. But he did so now, he’s gonna fix it.Starting with a superhero in his bed and an assassin on his couch. Both of whom he can tolerate, like Rhodey-tolerate. Will wonders never cease?
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Happy Hogan/Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Coming Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135052
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	The Unfortunate Consequences of Living

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Facility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099752) by [WilmaKins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilmaKins/pseuds/WilmaKins). 



> Disclaimer: The rights to Marvel, The Avengers, The MCU, and all affiliated characters or plot lines therein belong entirely to Disney and are not of my own creation. That being said, I decided to have some fun with their world for a bit in this fic. well, maybe fun is the wrong word.....

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TW: mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm, language  
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**Chapter 1: Will You Let Me Go**

**_“Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango, Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening--”_ **

The music stops abruptly.

_“Sir, I have an urgent matter requiring your attention.”_

“Aw, come on J! I’m in my groove; you can’t mess with the groove!” Tony cried.

_JARVIS should know by now not to interrupt the operatic section,_ he thought grumpily.

_“I’m sorry sir but I just thought you should be aware of a situation occurring on the flight deck involving someone standing on the ledge of the balcony.”_

“Seriously? I-” If JARVIS really interrupted to tell him, “-for the last time J, Barton only pulls that _standing in high places_ shit to freak people out. Don’t worry about it.”

_“It’s not Agent Barton sir.”_

Defensive much? Wow. I didn’t know I programmed him with that much sass. “Who is it then? Romanoff?”

_“It’s Captain Rogers sir.”_

“Steve?” And yes, he was Steve, not Captain. Some people, namely irate one-eyed pirate-type people, would be surprised that Tony knew the difference after their performance on the Helicarrier. But, three months post-battle, Tony is proud to say that he can call Steve a friend, if not a particularly close one yet. Although, not for lack of trying. “Give me a visual, J.”

And there he is. Steve. Steve standing on the ledge of the balcony. Steve standing on the ledge of the balcony not looking entirely happy. Not that he is normally 100% happy looking; after all, it was 1945 only 4 months ago for him and no one, not even Captain America, got over something like that in less than half a year. 

Back to Steve, though. Because, unless Tony was entirely off base, which he could be as he was still learning more about his teammates day by day, it looked like your typical jumping scenario. Not that Tony would know anything about that in particular; the younger Tony preferred more typical modes of offing oneself. It still didn’t look good and maybe should be something he does something about---

_“Sir?!”_

“What?”

_“Captain Rogers Sir?”_

“Yes, I- alright. J cut the cameras off on any angle that shows the balcony and darken any Tower windows that face it, too.” God knows he’s learned enough about Steve to know he’s extremely private which shows how out of it he must be right now. “Then, lock all access to the common floor until I’ve gotten him out of there and search for, block and delete any signals of footage from outside the Tower that you can.”

They’re probably safe on any video or photos from bystanders but this is the city that never sleeps for a reason. Best not be too careful.

He gets in the elevator and presses the button for 86. “Take me up, J.”

_“At once, sir.”_ And damn if J doesn’t sound relieved right now.

As the car moves, Tony tries to come up with a game plan. _Knock him out and strap him down?_ He dismisses the idea as soon as he thinks about it. It’d be effective but he couldn’t reliably do it on his own even with the suit and he’d rather not put Steve in more distress. Not to mention, Steve deserves to be heard out before jumping to drastic measures. _God, now I’m a shrink?_

The elevator doors open to the lounge and offer a perfect view of the floor to ceiling glass walls that separate it from the balcony. And, right in the middle, like a lone sentinel, there’s Steve. On the balcony. Looking sad-no, anguished.

Tony makes his way through the room and stops at the door. For all the effort he put in making his way up here, he second-guesses the helpfulness that he could provide. Then, he remembers a certain 21-year-old who spent too many nights wondering if anyone cared enough to try and stop him from a disastrous choice. Hint: someone did.

But, Steve, he lost everything, and yeah, he’s made inroads to relationships with the team but Tony knows logically that it's not the same. _Not yet,_ his mind whispers hopefully. He pushes the door open and steps out onto the landing.

And waits.

He could say something here. There’s a lot he could say but he knows from experience that this part isn’t for him. He needs to follow Steve’s lead here and feel out where he’s at. Because if he and Tony aren’t at the same part, Tony could make things worse so here he is just-

He wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been laser-focused but Steve moved. Tilted his head a bit to the right like he was looking for someone behind him.

_He knows I’m here._ That thought gave Tony a foundation for the next phase of his - is it really a plan if he’s still coming up with it? _Of course it is. Now, stop talking to yourself Stark, and say something!_

“You know, if you didn’t like your accommodations, there are better ways of letting me know.” _You fucking idiot, really?! That’s what you lead with?!_ “I’m just saying, I hear all about being out of eggs and needing more punching bags so it’s not like communication lines aren’t open.”

“My room’s fine, Tony.” Short and flat sentences. Not great, but better than silence. He thinks.

“Ok so, just wanted to see what an 85-floor drop looks like from the top or….?”

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

“It doesn’t matter.” _And yep....that tone is way too calm for comfort. Ok, in for a penny…_

“Interesting…..I would’ve thought that a few misspoken barbs about serums and bottles wouldn’t be enough to do this to you but I guess I underestimated my own linguistic power.” Tony said sarcastically. _This unfeeling voice thing isn’t doing it; let’s get a reaction._

“What?”

“No, no, it’s ok. I get it, Cap. You can’t take the heat and deal with your problems like a normal person so here you are, taking the ‘easy’ route instead of living.”

“I-I don’t-” Steve stammers now, turning slightly to put Tony in his eye line, clearly jarred by the change in tone.

“Only you’re not taking the easy way, are you? I mean, for you, yes. One step, 85 floors, and boom. Done. Easy. Finished.” Tony bites out. “For the rest of us? Not so easy.”

“Why would anyone even-?” And Tony tried to keep it cool, he did but the disbelief in Steve’s voice was too much.

“What, care?! Because I-we care about you, Steve. Do you think Bruce just meditates with anyone or that Natasha lets just anyone see her actual real smile? Does Barton strike you as the kind of guy who’ll discuss childhood trauma with just anyone at 4 am to chase away the nightmares?” Tony visibly calms down. “Do I particularly seem like I let just anyone see how to replace my arc reactor? A project so top secret that most of the world doesn’t even know I have it?”

And yeah, that had been a tough day. It was only a week ago that he brought Steve and Natasha down to show them what to do if the villain of the week managed to take him out. And clearly, Steve _hadn’t_ been thinking of these things because he looks extremely taken aback. 

But, then he recovers and goes back to neutral, facing the skyline again. “I didn’t really stop to think about it.”

“I see,” Tony answers, looking for a new strategy now that his current one isn’t working. _Hey, that’s an idea._ “What about Peggy?”

Steve stiffens. “What about her?” he bites out.

“I know you haven’t been to see her. Just like I know that you’ve requisitioned all of her records and know where and _how_ she is.” Tony smirks ruefully. “She just found out you’re alive and now you’re going to blow the chance she has to see you again and force her to have to re-remember that you died again every time her mind makes her forget?”

It was a low blow; extremely low but, based on the way Steve looks carved out of stone, it’s working.

“Fuck you, Stark.” _There he is._ “Is it so wrong that I’m just done?” _Wait, what?_ “Is it so out of the realm of possibility that what I’ve been is just too much for one person, enhanced or otherwise? Can I just choose to stop, or do I have to be saving the world while doing it?” he sneered.

_Ouch,_ Tony thought. _Not sure if he’s talking about my portal or his plane but damn. Ok, new plan._

Before he can think much about it, he hauls himself up onto the ledge with Steve and settles beside him. In his alarm at the action, Steve wobbles but comes to a standstill and Tony takes the opportunity to lean all of his weight against him.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Hanging out with a friend? Duh.”

“This isn’t funny, Tony, get down.” Steve looks terrified

“Ummm, how about, no?” _Is terror better than apathy?_ Tony’s not sure.

“What are you playing at?” _Ooh, now he looks mad. Perfect._

“Just wondering how much it hurts to realize that the line didn’t end?” he said bluntly.

Steve just stares in incomprehension.

“I mean, you were with him until the end of his line, and then, after about two weeks, I believe, of planning, you reached what you thought was the end of your line.” he continues. “But, then, you woke up and realized that it was only the end of his and now you’re stuck in a future you didn’t prepare for and might as well be another planet compared to the one you left.”

_Are those tears? Shit,_ Tony thinks. _Plan D could come along any time now._

“And I understand it,” he hurried along, thinking there was one thing he could share. “If it was Rhodey, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have considered the same.” _Here it goes._ “I- I did consider the same even though he was still in the picture.”

“What?” Steve looked almost as surprised as Tony felt that he shared that.

“What? You don't see it?” Tony looked askance. “Young man loses his entire world and is given a terribly large responsibility in the same token and wonders, without asking anyone else of course, if he’s not better off dead?” he laughs sardonically. “It’s the same plot, different characters, Cap. Not the same scope of course, my crucible was a car crash and a company not my best friend and the whole planet’s safety but…..”

Steve doesn’t respond, possibly too shocked to.

“I’ve just, I’ve been where you are, Steve. I’ve sat and processed her death and then signed the dotted CEO line. I’ve had sleepless nights over the fact that the weapons I made could be the difference between a living soldier and a dead one. Or that one misstep could cost thousands of people jobs because I fucked up. All that led me to was a 9 mil beretta and a terrified best friend who took it from me.” Tony sighs and rallies. “I just don’t want you to follow in the footsteps that followed. The running. The drugs. The booze. The one-nighters. It doesn’t help and it sure as hell will hurt eventually. But, I also don’t think this route will help either.”

“How’d you get out?” And Jesus, the mass of him may not have changed but if he didn’t know any better, he’d say he was looking at Stevie Rogers from Brooklyn and not Captain America.

“I had help.” Tony leans more into him. “And you do too. Whether you want it or not. So decide, Cap. All my weights on you now, if you leap, I go with you. Is this where you want your line to stop?” And yeah, this method was a little cruel but Tony was running out of ideas and hoping for a hail mary.

A moment of silence. Then a sigh masking a sob and, in the smallest voice comes a, “No.”

“Ok, alright. Then here’s how it's going to go: I’m going to come down off of the ledge and then you will. I’ll be there the whole time and will go as fast or slow as you want.” And then, because he just can’t help it, he adds, “Not that that was a come-on, or innuendo of any kind really, I mean, this is a serious situati-” A chuckle interrupts him and he’s relieved.

“Ok, Tony, you first.”

He climbs down carefully, keeping an eye on Steve the whole time and then looks up expectantly.

Suddenly, Steve looks scared and unsure but, before Tony can say anything, he reaches a hand down and leans on Tony to step down safely….

And promptly drops into a heap of sobs at Tony’s feet that he barely catches.

They sit there for a few minutes or maybe a few hours before Steve calms down.

“Sorry.” he says, wiping his face and taking a deep breath.

“Hey,” Tony catches his eye. “No apologies, okay? Like I said, I’ve been there. Now, let’s get back inside and head to bed, ok?”

Steve was so out of it after that release that Tony’s not sure he knew where they were going. Which wasn’t Steve’s floor but Tony’s. He’s not a genius for nothing and there is no way in hell Steve’s getting out of his sight anytime soon.

Put him to bed and then start brainstorming next steps, Stark. One step at a-

The elevator dings and the doors open to reveal a slight complication.

Said complication stares with one perfectly arched red eyebrow at the sight the two of them make. If he hadn’t already started to get to know the assassin behind his once-PA, he’d have thought she was mocking them but he can see the thinly veiled concern in her eyes over Steve’s state.

“What floor?” she says instead of the thousands of questions she has.

“Penthouse.” To her credit, all that gets is the second eyebrow joining the first and a once-over. Steve, meanwhile, is still so out of it he hasn’t noticed she’s even here.

The ride up is silent and the button for floor 95 where she would normally stop is ignored so all three passengers climb out when the door opens to the penthouse.

With some effort, Steve is taken through the rooms and tucked into Tony’s bed. The other two heading for the bar and then the couches soon after.

“What the fuck was that Tone?” she said. He looked slightly surprised at the vehemence and then it dawns on him.

“When did J call you?”

“20 minutes ago. Told me there was an issue and to wait until he said to get in the elevator because you needed help.”

“Aw, were you concerned for me?”

“More for the rest of us; when JARVIS sounds concerned after so many years with you, it’s not surprising that I’d be thinking worst cases.”

Tony considered. “Did he tell you what was going on?”

“Only that Steve and you were on a ledge and that it wasn’t looking good.”

“Well, he’s not wrong.” he sighs. “Essentially, we’ve been overhyping his ability to adapt and bounce back and it's come to bite us in the ass.”

“He’s suicidal.” Blunt and to the point, classic Widow.

“Since 1945, yep.” he said flippantly, feeling bad immediately at the way her eyes go wide with realization. “Yeah, wont go into details but suffice to say Steve Suicide Watch 2012 is a go.” This next part is going to be hard. “And only two people are on the roster.” he hedges.

“You and…?” she falters. “We can’t not tell them!”

“How can we, Nat? Knowing how private he is and how close he’s let us compared to everyone else?” he defends.

He sees when the brief fight goes out of her as she recognizes the same thing he did. See, it wasn’t only Cap who became Steve; Widow also became Nat. Through luck, happenstance or fate, the three of them were the only consistent members of the Before 4 club that haunted the common kitchen most nights. Words were few but when they were there, they poured. Tony’s not entirely sure he’s talked to _Rhodey_ about some of the things he’s mentioned to the two of them.

And yeah, they’re an odd triad to pick out of this group but she knows as well as he does how little Steve would enjoy all of them knowing what happened tonight. Not because he doesn’t care for Bruce or Clint but he had very strict rules for himself as “The Leader” of the Avengers that didn’t include allowing your command to see you suffer in any way, something most often demonstrated in his inability to admit to field injuries without the threat of extreme pain. So no, telling the rest is not an option.

“So what do we do?” she asked, looking for all the world that she trusted that he had the answers.

Unfortunately for her, “I don’t know yet but we’ll figure it out.” he assures. “For Steve.”

The determination in her eyes makes him grateful that JARVIS did call her tonight.

“For Steve.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaanndd, that's all she wrote (or me in this case)! 
> 
> Hi all, this fic was inspired by an earworm after reading **The Facility by WilmaKins** (which you should definitely go read because it was amazing). There's a speech/rant that Steve has towards the end of the fic that kind of changed my perspective on how Steve the person (not Cap or the leader of the Avengers) was portrayed in canon. 
> 
> The idea that someone went through all of that and had minimal or no mental illness or emotional hardships just doesn't seem as realistic to me. To be fair, they were world building through movies so there definitely wasn't enough time to do this level of introspection but......either way, I've decided to do it for them and explore what would've been different if Steve Rogers had a more realistic reaction to waking up 70 years in the future.
> 
> Please feel free to leave reviews and constructive criticism for me. This chapter was kind of posted before I thoroughly vetted/edited it so there's probably a few mistakes to catch. Thank you for reading!


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